Hi, I just finished reading your entire book on the internet. I joined the LDS church along with my husband in July of 2001, and since then have not been able to put my finger on why I don't quite feel right.
I have had the same feelings you described when Jesus is mentioned, however, aside from that, I feel as though I'm a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I have three children that are 3,5 and 7. One is scheduled to be baptized this summer and I feel so much like I'm making a mistake on his behalf. I can't talk to anyone in the church about it because all they say it that it's satan trying to ruin my eternal progression.
I also had the same reaction, and ignored it, as you did to the thought of being a God. I think I did tell the missionaries that I felt we had no right to even think of ever being like Him and that being with Him was all that I strive for. They answered by saying that he loves us and wants to give us all that he has. I wanted to believe it, I wanted to go to church.
I was raised by twice a year Catholics and was worried about my kids. I didn't know how to begin teaching them anything. I didn't know it myself, then I met a friend who belonged to the church and before I knew it my husband who had told me to stop asking him to go to church because he would not, was putting on a suit and tie and going for three hours per week. I thought I was doing what was right for my family. Now I think I made a mistake and don't know how to make it right.
Thank you for your honesty, I would have loved to meet you.
I am sending you some material that may help. I hope it is OK to send it to the address you gave me. Will it upset your husband to receive "anti-Mormon" literature.
I am praying that Jesus will reveal Himself to you more and more fully and that you connect with a good, Bible-believing Chruch and make some Christian friends.
If there is anything I can help either you or your husband with, let me know.